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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24701443">a family matter</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/EasyPeasyPanic/pseuds/EasyPeasyPanic'>EasyPeasyPanic</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>all of my founders era fics [17]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>And Madara's just here to see how this plays out and maybe get a date out of it, Dad-sensei strikes again aka Tobirama the child napper, Drabble, Gen, Hashirama is DONE with his brother's shit, I'll add more tags later when I'm not so hungover, Team Tobirama, Team as Family, Tobirama's first instinct is to drown anyone who opposes him in any situation</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:47:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,753</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24701443</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/EasyPeasyPanic/pseuds/EasyPeasyPanic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tobirama tries to legally adopt his students. </p><p>It goes about as well as you'd expect.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Senju Hashirama &amp; Senju Tobirama</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>all of my founders era fics [17]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1718458</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>353</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>a family matter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>for jay, my best friend</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>They find him in his office in the Hokage Tower, dutifully counting out loud every single one of the children he'd herded in. One was dangling on his hip. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"...five, six. All of you are still here. Good."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hashirama wails, tumbling inside, pulling at his hair and flailing around like his robes were set aflame, while his Uchiha companion had a smirk across his face (fighting back an actual, non-clan approved smile.) </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"</span>
  <em>
    <span>Why</span>
  </em>
  <span>?" Hashirama chokes out, his eyes wide and his hands threading through his hair. "Why would you </span>
  <em>
    <span>do that</span>
  </em>
  <span>?" He asked, giving his brother the most flabbergasted stare that's ever graced anyone's face, which was a hard task. This village was a cesspool of nonsense from the day it was founded. It's Hokage was an emotional idiot with a temperment for gardening rather than leading. There were dogs that spoke, people that switched minds just to cut in line for sake, people that could accidentally put you under a Genjutsu just by glancing at you. Clans that liked setting fires just for the fun of it, clans that peeped on women's baths with their kekkei genkai. It was a mess. There wasn't much you could do to shock anyone here. But for Senju Tobirama, who was prided amongst his clan and by his big brother, for being relatively diplomatic, calm, and level-headed in trying situations, it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>shocking. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>His disposition was what made him such a vicious, successful shinobi </span>
  <em>
    <span>and </span>
  </em>
  <span>ambassador. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tobirama gives him an unimpressed stare, setting one of the two gangly limbed teenagers onto his desk to sit. "I'm not sure I know what you mean, Anija." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He reaches into one of the drawers in his desk, the bottom one that Madara had tried picking several times but was held shut by chakra seals. Tobirama rummages through it, still with the one teenager hanging off his hip like a monkey, which ironically was the boy's name. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Green or jasmine?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The genin all began to shout out answers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Green!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ew, no, Jasmine."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No, </span>
  <em>
    <span>green</span>
  </em>
  <span>." One of them whined. Tobirama sighed, rubbing his forehead, giving them a </span>
  <em>
    <span>stare</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Which somehow quieted them all down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We'll just go out for tea when we go for mochi since none of you can be civil and decide." He decides for them, using his free hip to close the drawer, and motioning one of the children into his unused chair. Hashirama gapes at the scene, gasping like fish thrown onto land, still flailing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He chokes out, "Tea's not important right now!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tobirama snorts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Not the cheap brand you drink, Anija." He gives an elegant flick of his wrist, motioning around his office vaguely at all the overgrown babies littering it. "You're upsetting my children."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which doesn't sound right at all. Because none of them seemed particularly upset, or rather, not anymore upset than usual considering who their teacher was. The girl was sitting on the floor, bored, although she was leaning against Kagami, chatting softly and scowling. The Akimichi boy and the Glasses-kid were lingering in the corner, both eating snacks that have miraculously </span>
  <em>
    <span>appeared</span>
  </em>
  <span> out of the plant in the corner. Scar-Face is on the desk, swinging his legs, flushed in humiliation, while the Monkey Boy doesn't seem even a little apologetic about the whole situation while hanging onto his sensei.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Madara rolls his eyes at the lot of them "</span>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <span>thought it was funny."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It was not funny! It was an inter-clan incident."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"A </span>
  <em>
    <span>hilarious </span>
  </em>
  <span>inter-clan incident, tree man." Madara spits out through his quiet laughter. Because it </span>
  <em>
    <span>had been the absolute best situation</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He hadn't witnessed the beginning of it, mostly because he'd been across the village at lunch with a few diplomats from the nations without shinobi villages, trying to sway them into doing business with Konoha. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caught up with a middle-aged woman who tied her kimono in the front like a prostitute (and wore enough makeup by herself to supply a whole brothel) and somehow was representing the uptight Land of Rice Paddies, Madara hadn't been privy to </span>
  <em>
    <span>what </span>
  </em>
  <span>exactly set Tobirama off the deep end into a spiral of adoption. It was unusual for the cool-tempered man to actually lose control, although he'd set him off himself a few times, just for fun. There was a very fine and mostly unknown line.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All Madara had heard was the </span>
  <em>
    <span>screaming</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Loud and shrill like a little girl's, so high pitched that the Uchiha could have </span>
  <em>
    <span>sworn</span>
  </em>
  <span> they were under attack and they'd gone after the women first. But then there it had been. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Looking up from his seat at the resturaunt, the words dying in his mouth, Madara had seen a wave, absolutely out of nowhere, without any water supplies nearby, as high as the damn Hokage's Tower with </span>
  <em>
    <span>mocking</span>
  </em>
  <span> chakra thick in the air--</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The entire place had flooded, even as far away from the beginning of the wave (which was more like a damn tsunami) as they were. Food trays from the resturuant he was at drifted away, tables and chairs lost to the wave going flying in a big rush of water, one visiting kunoichi from Suna actually fucking rode the wave for a second before disappearing under the water, a couple of diplomats </span>
  <em>
    <span>might </span>
  </em>
  <span>have drowned because for some reason civilians don't feel like swimming is essential. Now, Madara had been smart enough to just get on top of the water, and stay there to figure out what the hell was going on. And then there came Hashirama, red-faced and sobbing, running across the water while howling for Madara and ranting about his new </span>
  <em>
    <span>niece and nephews</span>
  </em>
  <span> and something about an uprising. And then Hashirama, the flailing idiot, began pulling people out of the wreckage and the water, and Madara had watched him go, looking stupid as he blinked at the new lake that was once open street. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>(And </span>
  <em>
    <span>eventually </span>
  </em>
  <span>helped Hashirama fish people out, after he went and saved the food he'd ordered earlier along with whatever was nearby because it would just be a waste to let them swim away when it was all free, so Madara collected what he could grab before going to assist.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But that was all that Madara knew so far. Apparently Tobirama adopted his genin students, attacked a few clan heads with water, and retreated back to the Hokage tower.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which is what led to </span>
  <em>
    <span>this </span>
  </em>
  <span>situation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hashirama looks close to tearing his own hair out and maybe his little brother's too just to be sure. "You have to apologize to the Sarutobi clan and...and the Akimichi clan and the Shimura clan and-- You just </span>
  <em>
    <span>have to</span>
  </em>
  <span>. There was no reason for you to try and </span>
  <em>
    <span>drown </span>
  </em>
  <span>them, Tobira!" He moaned into his palms, head hanging low. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tobirama readjusts his hold on Sarutobi brat, which was awkward and wrong somehow because the kid was about twelve or thirteen. They were all old enough to handle themselves and did </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>need to be coddled like this, especially not carried to safety. They were all bony creatures with fat faces, knobby knees and awkward angles, and far too big to be carried around like toddlers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That didn't stop Tobirama, apparently. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The albino scoffs, giving his brother a scandalized look. "I will apologize for nothing, Anija, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>they</span>
  </em>
  <span> may apologize to me, if they so wish. For attempted kidnapping."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"They didn't do anything wrong, Tobira. It wasn't attempted kidnapping!" Hashirama whimpers out, already frustrated with the entire conversation. Or perhaps not quite just this conversation, but the fact that the clan heads from three prominent clans and two civilian families had chewed him out for the last ten minutes before they'd come, with one woman shrieking and clutching onto her heels like a weapon, threatening to gut Tobirama for her ruined dress and </span>
  <em>
    <span>declare war</span>
  </em>
  <span> over her broken heel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Trying to kidnap my students wasn't wrong? I expected more of your judgement Anija, but apparently I was wrong to think so highly of you." Tobirama went towards the potted plant, plucking a ration bar out of it and handing it to the restless teenager he was carrying. He moves throughout the room, patting each child's head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hashirama's emotions were so out of check that Forget-Me-Nots were growing out of the room, slowly creeping down the cracks in the ceiling down the walls. The root spread out like little spiders running down the walls."It isn't </span>
  <em>
    <span>kidnapping </span>
  </em>
  <span>if it's </span>
  <em>
    <span>THEIR </span>
  </em>
  <span>kids!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Legally," Tobirama interrupts, raising a hand to silence his brother. "They're </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> children. I've adopted each and every one of them."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Red eyes </span>
  <em>
    <span>bore </span>
  </em>
  <span>into dark brown ones. For a moment, Madara half-expected the albino's eyes to shift into the Sharingan and set his brother's head aflame, just from the </span>
  <em>
    <span>go-drop-dead</span>
  </em>
  <span> expression. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Kagami begin to crawl across the floor, heading to the door to freedom. The boy on the desk, Scar, began to give him frantic hand signals to </span>
  <em>
    <span>abort abort</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but the Uchiha was determined. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Girl was creeping against the wall, trying to get to the window. It was a noble effort. Truly, </span>
  <em>
    <span>truly </span>
  </em>
  <span>it was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You can't adopt children that have </span>
  <em>
    <span>parents</span>
  </em>
  <span>." Hashirama explains in the exact same voice he's used when explaining proper kunai technique to children in the new Academy. "It wasn't kidnapping. They just wanted their kids back."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"If that was true, then why was the paperwork filed by this very Tower? You'll find it was approved by the Head of the Family Welfare Department." Tobirama retorted, lips twisting into a sneer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hashirama lost it. "You're the head of that department! You approved it!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Did I?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I--I--" Hashirama cried out, muffled by his hands again. He shook his head furiously, digging his palms into his skin. "I'm going to throw you out of the window! To drown in the new river you made!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Unlikely." Tobirama dismissed with a wave of his hand, shaking his head. Not even turning his back to see what his students were doing, he called out sharply. "Koharu, get away from that window, or so help me, I will </span>
  <em>
    <span>throw </span>
  </em>
  <span>you out of it. Do not test my patience today." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Madara watched the girl shrink down, pouting. The Akimichi boy gave her a pat on the back for her efforts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Senju shot a withering glance towards the door, lips twitching into a frown. "Kagami, you'd </span>
  <em>
    <span>better </span>
  </em>
  <span>come back in here now." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was then that Madara realized that the Uchiha boy had actually managed to escape out the office door. He sees him hesitate, poking his head back through the door with a soft pout. Frowning, he stomps back in, closing the door and rejoining his group of overgrown toddlers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kagami mutters, "How does he always know?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sensei's a sensor."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh." Kagami says. "That makes sense."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hashirama let out a groan, "Tobira, you can't just adopt and keep these kids. They aren't your kids."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Anija, I would have assumed you would be soft-hearted enough to realize that adoptive children </span>
  <em>
    <span>are </span>
  </em>
  <span>the same as real children. Blood or not, they're family now. It seems that was lost on you, however. I didn't expect </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be so cold-hearted."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hashirama huffed. "Can you at least put Sarutobi down? Why are you even carrying him?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sarurobi Sasuke came the closest to managing to kidnap my son." Tobirama answered casually. "So this is for Hiruzen's protection."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Madara watched the soul leave his best friend's body. Physically watching it pry itself out of his thick, overly-tree-like body and lumber its way straight into whatever Hell there was for the joy of getting away from this conversation. So he intervenes on the idiot's behalf, trying to see if Tobirama was actually serious or not. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You didn't think to perhaps </span>
  <em>
    <span>talk</span>
  </em>
  <span> to the families before attacking them?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tobirama levelled him with an offended, protective gaze. He held the boy in his arms closer, bristling like a wet cat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Of course I did. I informed them they were relieved of their parental duties. But they protested and tried to take my children."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hashirama let out a soft choking noise, "</span>
  <em>
    <span>Their </span>
  </em>
  <span>children, Tobi-ra-ma." He moans, falling onto his arse on the floor. He let out a pitiful moan of frustration, curling up, and Madara thinks the entire situation was </span>
  <em>
    <span>great</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Legally they're </span>
  <em>
    <span>mine</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You should be happy to have so many talented nephews and a niece."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"They have LIVING parents! You can't keep them!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"They don't have to have living parents."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"</span>
  <em>
    <span>Tobirama</span>
  </em>
  <span>."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm not apologizing to them."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You have to. I'm </span>
  <em>
    <span>telling you to</span>
  </em>
  <span>. As your big brother."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tobirama rolls his eyes, reminding Madara far too much of his arguments with Izuna where he would roll his eyes and throw himself around and do </span>
  <em>
    <span>voices</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Except in Tobirama's case, he just swings a pre-teen around like a weapon. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You also told me I couldn't have nine students, and yet that didn't stop me."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This garners the attention of </span>
  <em>
    <span>all</span>
  </em>
  <span> of his students, Madara, </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> Hashirama. They all sort of glance around at each other, and the confusion settles across the room. Just counting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Glasses seemed to still be recounting, "But Sensei, there's only six of us?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tobirama doesn't acknowledge that, but even Madara thinks that maybe he should. Instead he just waves his hand, blatantly ignoring the kids' existence for right now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You're going to apologize, or I'm grounding you. You're going to be grounded!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tobirama paused. His eyebrows furrowed and he glanced around the room like he might get answers from Madara and the kids. Which he would not because Madara isn't actually sure if Hashirama had the authority to ground a grown man like a child. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And apparently, Tobirama isn't so sure either.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Excuse me?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I said no, I'm not giving you permission to ground me. And I'm not returning them to their supposed </span>
  <em>
    <span>parents</span>
  </em>
  <span>." Tobirama glances around the room, nodding firmly. A strange glint in his eye. Slowly the genin began to get up and file around the man. "You're beginning to irritate me, Anija."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"</span>
  <em>
    <span>Inter-clan incident</span>
  </em>
  <span>, otouto!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Irritating." Tobirama repeats, like a warning. Hashirama doesn't get up, just whines and looks up with watery eyes, probably imagining </span>
  <em>
    <span>all </span>
  </em>
  <span>the paperwork and letters and ass kissing he's going to have to do to try and smooth things over. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Madara doesn't envy him, not even a bit. Let him be Hokage and deal with that shit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Come on, kids, don't you want to go home to your parents?" Hashirama appeals to the bunch of toddlers with fine motor skills surrounding them. "Hasn't this joke gone on long enough?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The reactions are immediate, and Hashirama's face falls into a deep depression. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We're good."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Mom doesn't let me have sweets, but Sensei does, so I'm okay with staying with Sensei."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kagami mulls it over. He glances at Madara warily, shrugging. "I'm just here, don't ask me. I'm okay with any parents."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Procedure five." Tobirama orders his little hooligans with an amused twist of his lips, and there's something of a threat in his eyes. Madara takes a cautious step back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes, sensei!" They chimed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tobirama stood tall. The kids orbited him, trained for this apparently, each grabbing onto him. Grasping at pants, sleeves, just holding onto him boredly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gives the Uchiha a glance, "Are you on my side or Hashirama's?" He questions, his voice cold and steady. Giving nothing away, but Madara feels a chill in the air and </span>
  <em>
    <span>knows </span>
  </em>
  <span>that there's only one appropriate answer to this question. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yours…?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tobirama nods, pleased. "Meet us at the tea shop by the Academy then. I promised them sweets and tea after their traumatic day." Except none of them seem traumatized by his fictionalized events that happened, if anything they all seemed annoyed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tobirama frees his one hand out of a child's grip. Madara gasps, realizing what was happening. He turns to his friend just as the chakra began to build, </span>
  <em>
    <span>annoyed-cold</span>
  </em>
  <span>-- fuck it, he doesn't have time to think about the chakra. He's seen this trick done before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hashirama!" He shouts, frantic. Madara doesn't bother trying to get to him just as Tobirama gives him a curt, small smile. One hand sign later and a rush of water later, Madara breaks open the window and throws himself out with the grace of a yowling, wet cat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hashirama doesn't follow him, even as the office floods and his brother disappears with his small army of children. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He probably drowned. Madara thinks about trying to find the waterlogged idiot, but decides against it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was invited to tea after all. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>please enjoy this drabble i wrote the other day on my birthday just before i decided to chug peach flavored alcohol :^)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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